Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
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