her fupa was seducing me. this is the last time i'm doing shrooms.
i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
I need a burrito and a hug.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
how drunk are you?
Several
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
Randomize