After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
I just added her as a friend on Facebook. I met her 5 minutes ago and there are already more than 50 pics of me uploaded... from other nights.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
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