Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
Randomize