i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
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