dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
Randomize