what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
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My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
he was persistant. I supposedly owe him a bj from high school.
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
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