my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
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His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
Randomize