I wish my penis had an off switch
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
He got hotter. I'm offended on behalf of the rest of our graduating year.
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
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