I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
You should really look at your snapstory. It has us screaming " MANSION DICK! SUCK IT! FUCK IT!" By the way im currently in a mansion and need you to pick me up
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
Randomize