Skip Greektown and come to Geektown. I just want to cuddle.
There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
Can you send me the pictures of me riding the penis
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
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