He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
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my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
Randomize