im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
Randomize
