I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
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