She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
I do have sympathy for you. It's just not going to manifest as a blow job.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
Yeah its great. Whenever we want a new bowl we hand it to Trevor and he clears it in one hit. Definitely one of the benefits to having a swimmer in your circle.
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
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