i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
booty call hours are between 1:30-3:00 AM thurs-sat with the exception of major drinking holidays and election days. please try again
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
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