bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize