I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
Why is it people are always in costumes on Cheaters these days? Joe Greco literally just said, "It appears they get chased by a chicken with a chainsaw." WTF?
For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
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woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
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Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
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