Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
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