Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
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