I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
Randomize