Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
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#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
I also witnessed that same parrot perched on the head of a man grinding with a girl.
Interesting. As a girl I don't know how okay I would be with that.
She seemed pretty into it.
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
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I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
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