Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
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No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
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He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
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