Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
It would be one hovered percent delicioui
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The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
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And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
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