Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
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i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
Keep two things coming: nudes and puppy pictures
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
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