i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
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I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
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Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
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