By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
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Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
We ended up sleeping in the emergency room for safety (you know, well lit, cameras..) and then an ambulance drove us to the train station around 4am. great last night in australia.
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
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In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
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