My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
Randomize