bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
I look better un-naked...
you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
Randomize