we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
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