either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
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Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
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She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
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