I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
This sounds like "Sober" Ericka. Sorry that message wasn't for you. I only do business with "Fell off the wagon" Ericka. Please pass that message along to her.
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
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You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
Hot freshmen.....hot freshmen chicks everywhere
You say this every welcome week, bro.
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
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After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
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