mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
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