I'm glad girls dont get visible erections
But, it would have made life so much easier...
Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
We are going out Saturday. Oh and we might also be jousting on bikes.
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
Randomize