Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
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Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
The point remains that this is the setup for some great stories
Or terrible, horrifying, traumatic experiences
great clearly means different things to us
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
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