I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
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Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
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I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
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