Nope, Im Irish and pissed with some drunk mixed in...therefore punching things is the best solution to every problem.
in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
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