My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
It has now been 10 days since we last saw Sebastians penis
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
Randomize