I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
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You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
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I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
seriously they are like going to hulk burst through. There are perks and downfalls to having big boobs
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
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