I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
we should wear snuggies to the strip club
Since when is my name a synonym for head?
I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
I feel like I shouldn't be encouraging my friends to hook up with their teachers.....but if it's for academic reasons....then I definitely encourage it.
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
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