Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
i love accidental penises.
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
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