He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
never thought i'd see a ''climb of shame'' until she came down from the attic in front of the whole party..
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
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