I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
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