The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
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