all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
Randomize