In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
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So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
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Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
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