anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
I think we need to have a day of drinking in classes. I know we don't share any, but sacrifices need to be made.
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
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