I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
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Prop 8 repealed and I FINALLY got my period. Good day for America!!!
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
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You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
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