im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
wrong asian. never thought that would happen.
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
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