i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
just hooked up with a guy ON MY CAMPUS VISIT. god only knows whats gonna happen when im actually a student
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
Randomize